Perfectly Lonely

In high school I hated being alone. I didn't see the point to it. I got bored. I'd prefer to be with a friend if I was doing anything, even something as simple as watching TV. Things changed second semester my senior year. My safety net, three of my best friends, together planned out a lie to tell me one night. I never made an effort to make a lot of friends at my high school because I already had a good core group. Why would I need more? Quality, not quantity right? I was so hurt by the people I trusted the most. I was embarrassed and confused and I avoided every place I would see them. The awkwardness and silence was obvious as weeks dragged on without an apology from either side. I was cornered into loneliness and graduation came as a relief from the unexpected flip-flop of my world. That summer I broke up with the boy I had been dating and I entered into college a completely different person than just months before... Independent.

I can turn back the pages of my journal to specific days during that time and actually see myself growing into this new person. I ostracized myself from those around me and gave myself my own shoulder to cry on. I realized that I had missed myself over the years. There is a sacred relationship we all have with ourselves that is so often overlooked. I no longer pine the constant company of others that I used to (Well, yeah, I miss my friends sometimes, obvi). Nowadays, not only do I bear solitude quite nicely, I actually like it. It fits me. I am thankful for the experiences I have had because they were so eye-opening to me. It showed me what I had been limiting myself to and showed me that I deserved so much more. Spending time alone I have realized that I like myself. Whatever happens the future I know I'll be okay because I don't need anyone but myself to catch me.

Alone not lonely :)


'cause I don't belong to anyone, and nobody belongs to me